I’m a Big Scaredy Cat

Over the years, I’ve noticed that I’ve developed a series of irrational, and somewhat crazy fears. I would like to attribute most of this to being a parent, and noticing how children can very quickly turn an everyday task into an health hazard. Even I can’t pin it all on them.

So, I’m putting these fears out there because I just faced one the other day, and SURVIVED.

Fear #1
A spider in my car. I’m SCARED of spiders, always have been, always will be. The damned things creep me out. It doesn’t help that I have massive amounts of banana spiders around my home. The other day as I was driving, this happened. It ACTUALLY happened. I am still a little too shaken to repeat the gory details, but you get the idea.

Fear #2
Being swallowed by a boa constrictor. This one I blame on my kindergarten teacher. That song isn’t fun, it’s terrifying.

Fear #3
Creepy crawly things in my ears or nose and eating my brain. If you were present for the mystery item my daughter had in her nose, you would COMPLETELY understand. And today, I saw this, which only made it worse:

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This really could EAT your brain! I mean, brain matter and clams are about the same, right?

Fear #4
Dying on the toilet. Happens everyday, elderly men and women found, pants down, handling the last of their business. Or worse yet, you sit on the toilet and you’re unexpectedly attacked by a spider or snake that decided to emerge from your latrine at that very moment.

Fear #5
Glitter in my eye. Think about how much an eyelash hurts when it gets in your eye, glitter is even worse AND it could cause a corneal abrasion.

Now that I have the worst of them out there. I feel better. I used to make fun of my mother for her irrational fears, and now I am just like her(make that fear #6). My mom is great, loving, wonderful, but…I don’t want to be her or Aunt Josephine from A Series of Unfortunate Events.

What’s funny is if you showed me masked man with a gun next to any of these scenarios, the masked man would lose. Maybe as I get older, and more mature(HAHAHA), these fears will subside. Or I’ll get tougher.

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